I was watching Ghost the other day, and during a particularly passionate kissing scene, I noticed that both actors had their eyes shut. It started me thinking about how most people close their eyes when kissing. And as for sex, well, how often can you recall having your eyes open at the moment of orgasm? Yep, and you’re not alone – for most of us, our eyes are more likely to be rolling back in our heads than focused outward.
‘So what’, you might ask. Well, this notion of closing your eyes during key intimate moments actually disconnects you from your partner. We often (but not always) close our eyes to give free reign to those sexual fantasies in our minds, helping us to build momentum towards climax. But in doing so, we’re subconsciously choosing a ‘solo’ experience over a shared one, and denying ourselves the opportunity to strengthen our connection and truly be ‘in the moment’.
So, here’s a suggestion. Next time you kiss, or make love with a partner, try keeping your eyes open, and see what happens. You can even experiment with focusing your attention more often and more intently on their left eye, as this is the eye that is thought to be more receptive to emotions. There’s no need to go overboard though – remember, you’re gazing with love and adoration, rather than with the unblinking stare of a serial killer! Make it feel natural and warm and notice the difference in the quality of your experience together.
Hopefully you’ll find that holding eye contact like this creates greater intimacy and intensity, enabling you to share your experience, rather than disappearing off into fantasy-land. You can even try it outside the bedroom, with friends, family and even the people you meet during your day, to help you connect on a deeper level and live more consciously and in the moment – which is, after all, what we’re here to practice.