What’s the sexiest thing you can imagine?

Let me give you a hint.  Being sexy has nothing to do with your body.  Sure, it’s nice to see, or to have, flawless skin, perfect teeth, chiselled abs, or wonderful breasts.  But none of these things really make a person sexy.  You can have these attributes, or see them in another, and something can still be missing.

Real sexiness comes from another place.  Any guesses?

Here it is: listening is sexy.  Really seeing someone, really being seen.  Putting all those little thoughts or insecurities we have on the back burner and tuning in to the person in front of us.  Giving your whole and complete attention to your partner makes you attractive.

We all crave it.  We want to connect, honestly and completely, with another human being.  Without all the games, without the worries, just sharing a moment together.  We want to be seen and appreciated for who we are.  This is one of the most basic and fundamental qualities of human nature.  And it’s the one that most often goes overlooked.

It’s hard to really listen.  We wonder if we should say this or that, if the other person sees us the way we want to be seen.  We wonder if we’re good enough, if our little imperfections – or big ones – will turn the other person off.  But all of these things get in the way.  No one’s perfect, and we’re all perfect exactly as we are.

It takes work, too, because we’re so used to wanting things to work out a certain way.  We’re used to wanting things from people, for them to see us this way, or have this sort of connection with us.  The most beautiful thing about this is that once you let go, the connections that enter your life become more right, more fulfilling in a subtle and indescribable way.

Try it out.  Next time you’re with your sweetheart, let go of all the things you worry about, and just listen to what they have to say.  Don’t just listen to their words.  Breathe, be in your body, and listen with every part of your being.  Open up your heart as well as your ears. Listen to the feelings that arise as they speak.  Listen to your body’s responses.  Open up to the person you’re sharing the moment with, and see where it goes.

If you can really do this, dating becomes much easier and a lot more fun.  And long-term relationships can be completely transformed.  No more waiting for the kiss, or wondering what you should say.  No more arguments about silly inconsequential things to cover your real feelings.  Just being there in the moment, listening, and allowing yourself to respond naturally.  No need to hold on to anything you might hope for, or hold off for anything you might be afraid of.  Just letting the moment unfold as it wants to, and following the energy.

One of the first things that you’ll notice is that people will be drawn to you.  As you become better at listening, people will want to share with you.  This is huge in intimate connections, but it doesn’t stop there.  When people feel that you see them, that they really hear what you have to say, they want to spend time with you.  They want to share all of those things they’ve kept inside.  Because you’re creating a space that they can just be themselves, that they will be seen and accepted for whoever they are.

This is a bit of magic, one of the easiest things we can do, and one of the hardest.  The single biggest key to being sexy.  Try it out, and let me know what you think.

In love and light,

Taranga