Great sex. It’s the holy grail for most of us, right? And yet, the idea of great sex is a highly subjective one. For some, great sex could mean a hot, horny encounter with a sexy stranger – while for others it’s a warm expression of pleasure and emotion with a loved one.
Whatever the definition, one thing’s clear: there’s a big difference between ‘hot sex’ and ‘warm sex’. Hot sex can be a major turn-on, with the thrill of exploring and conquering someone new. But that thrill can quickly lose its edge. Hot sex generally doesn’t last forever (as anyone who’s ever been in long-term relationship can testify!) and it ultimately burns itself out or loses its charge. Warm sex, on the other hand, can go the distance.
Warm, fulfilling sex is often about touch and connection – but as the physicality of the act takes over, warmth can be forgotten. Sure, sex is about pleasure, escaping thoughts, and letting go, but if we allow it, one of its roles is also to connect us to each other and ourselves, and experience deeper levels of awareness.
How to do this? There are a couple of techniques you can try to help create more ‘warmth’ during sex. One is through increasing your amount of eye contact. Did you know that there’s a whole school of anthropology that believes we evolved from ape to human partly because we were able to look each other in the eyes during orgasm, sparking a leap in consciousness and greater awareness of ‘self’. Fascinating stuff! So gaze into your lover’s eyes next time you have sex, and experience the change in quality of your love-making.
Breathwork is another technique that helps connect us – and in the process it enables us to collect up and move the ‘charge’ that builds up in our genitals during arousal, instead of leaving energy stuck there. Circulating energy in this way can lead to some of the most profound, blissful states ever experienced.
Here’s a breathing technique to try, which works equally well during either solo or partner-based sex. Called the Circular Breath, it’s breathing in a continuous flow, with no pause between inhale and exhale – and it’s a great way to build and move energy, and intensify sensation and feelings.
To try it, simply breathe in and out through the mouth with lips slightly parted, allowing the belly to rise on each exhalation and the breath to just fall out of the body with a sigh on the exhale. Most importantly, focus on making your breath a complete, unbroken circle. Experiment with this simple technique and you’re on your way to enjoying a warmer, more conscious and more meaningful sex life!