0447 577 525

Aural Pleasures

Apr 222013

Sometimes I can hear my neighbours having sex. There, I said it. Apologies, neighbours, if you’re reading this! Not wishing to embarrass you or show you up – I’m just borrowing you as inspiration for this week’s blog. Hope you don’t mind!

It’s funny how prudish or embarrassed some of us can get when we’re exposed to other people’s lovemaking… but rather than feeling weird about it, I actually like hearing others in the throes of ecstasy. There’s something free and liberated about it, especially when we’re forced to live such regimented and repressed lives, with bodily functions kept hidden behind firmly closed doors, replaced by social niceties and polite conversation about the weather.

Sometimes I think it would do us all the world of good to shrug off our social restraints and run naked down the street once in a while. We shouldn’t feel shy about connecting with our primal selves, relishing our physicality and celebrating our bodies in all their rude and messy glory! So whenever I hear anyone enjoying noisy, enthusiastic sex, I will them on to greater heights, and higher volumes! (all the while hoping my wine glasses stay in one piece as they rattle away on the draining board).

There are one or two very good reasons why vocalising during sex is good for you. Like chanting ‘Om’ or practising a primal scream (more on that later), any exercise that creates a sound vibration in the throat can open up this area and regulate the throat chakra, our energy centre that relates to communication and creative expression.

Energy movement and sex are actually intimately connected – as you’ll know if you’ve ever been with someone who’s naturally vocal in bed. You’ll probably have noticed that the noises they made rose in pitch and volume as they approached orgasm. This is a sign that sexual energy is moving up from the lower chakras to the higher, more ecstatic ones. It’s even possible to manipulate and help this energy on its way by allowing the tone of your noises to rise during sex to help with the flow of energy.

Why is it so vital to keep your throat chakra open, and energy moving smoothly through it? Well, if a throat chakra is blocked or unhealthy, it can be hard to speak your truth, resulting in miscommunication and arguments. Physical imbalances created can include sore throats, gum and mouth issues, laryngitis, thyroid issues and teeth grinding at night. Incidentally, if you’re prone to teeth grinding, try rolling up a towel, then bite down on it and growl like a dog for up to a minute each night before bed. It might make you look a little demented (and it’s probably best to avoid performing in public, in case of arrest), but you’ll find that this can dramatically help to release tension, clear the chakra, and help you stop grinding.

Emotionally we can also become judgmental and critical when we’re not balanced in the throat chakra – which often relates to an inability to speak lovingly from the heart. Sometimes we can actually sense when the throat chakra is unbalanced, and if you’ve ever felt like your throat’s tight or constricted when you’re trying to communicate something important, it’s an indication of a blockage. Try this trick to help clear it. Get into the ocean, take a deep breath stick your head underwater and scream. This is called a primal scream, and is another great way to release ‘stuck’ emotions, pent-up frustration or anger and clear the blockage. You can also try this at home (preferably into a pillow, or underwater in the bath if you’re worried about the neighbours!).

To keep this area open and healthy on a sexual level, practice communicating during sex. All too often we’re too embarrassed or repressed to ask for what we really want. Expressing your desires can be empowering and lead to a sex life where fantasy can become reality. Also try giving yourself permission to moan and make noises and see how verbalising can enhance your experience.

Why not experiment with getting vocal in the bedroom (or bathroom, kitchen etc) and start enjoying some aural pleasure of a whole new kind.

In love and light,


A Matter Of Life And Death

Apr 142013

The death of one of Britain’s most controversial Prime Minister’s this week provoked some surprising reactions around the world. While some mourned the passing of a ‘great leader’, others partied in the streets, spraying champagne and adopting the song ‘Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead’ from the Wizard of Oz as their victory cry. It’s no surprise that the passing of Margaret Thatcher would be a controversial subject – but I couldn’t help wondering about the wide range of reactions we have to something we’ll all need to face at some point.

Death is still one of society’s last great taboos. In fact, we’re only really reminded of it when it happens to someone close to us, or to a public figure like Thatcher. Yet proper and full awareness of our own mortality doesn’t need to be scary, intimidating or morbid. It can actually be liberating to think about our impermanence on this earth, bringing all kinds of gifts as we learn to fully appreciate each breath, each moment and each day that passes.

So often, we can take life for granted, getting caught up in the minor details instead of seeing the big picture and celebrating our very existence itself. Sex can be a powerful way to reaffirm this ‘aliveness’. It’s no surprise that sex is something that’s often resorted to in the wake of the death of a loved one, and a means of helping us to feel safe, reassured and alive in the aftermath of grief.

Sex itself is sometimes compared to a kind of death. It’s no coincidence that the French refer to orgasm as ‘la petite mort’ or ‘the little death’. Orgasm can be an overwhelming feeling of peace, stillness and letting go, and it’s in the afterglow of an orgasm that you can get a sense of what it’s really like to be released from the physical body and reality as we know it.

It’s said that our spirit enters our body through the crown chakra at the moment we’re born, and leaves through the same doorway when we die. This centre is our gateway to the next level of spiritual maturity – and in tantric terms it’s the chakra of the ultimate orgasm, the surrender to death.

To get a feeling for this chakra, here’s a meditation to try. Sit in a chair a comfortable position, with back straight, feet firmly planted and your hands resting palm up on your thighs. Now start to breathe into the belly, slowly, deeply and rhythmically. On each inhale, imagine a beam of white light entering the crown of your head from above and traveling down to your heart. Then on each exhale, imagine pushing or sending that light out from your heart and down your arms into your hands. After a while you may start to notice heat, or a tingling sensation in your palms. You’ve just connected with your crown chakra and used it to move energy through your body.

We could all benefit from examining our beliefs about dying. So next time you have an orgasm, let go as completely as possible, of body, mind and emotions. Simply do nothing, be nothing, and make friends with that timeless, weightless feeling. This post-orgasmic ‘little death’ is actually as close as we can get to an after-death experience while still alive.

If we can make peace with the inevitability of death, we can bring greater meaning to our time on this planet. Because, after all, it’s only in the face of our own death that we can really know and celebrate life.

In love and light,


To Come Or Not To Come?

Apr 072013

In last week’s blog, I touched on the benefits of something that might, to the uninitiated, sound a bit like cooking yourself a beautiful dinner before dumping it uneaten in the bin – non-orgasmic sex!

If you’ve never heard about or properly considered it, you may find the idea bizarre. After all, isn’t the whole point of sex to reach orgasm? Well actually, non-orgasmic sex practices have been around for thousands of years, and used by people who discovered its amazing ability to heal the body, restore vitality and promote better health, harmony and spiritual awareness. And following on from last week’s blog, it’s also the case that withholding orgasm can actually ‘cheat’ our neurochemical conditioning, bonding us with our partners like never before and helping us to keep our relationships alive and thriving.

So how does this little-discussed practice actually work? Essentially, non-orgasmic sex shifts the focus of sex away from the genital region, stimulating our sexual energy without actually discharging it. Sexual energy can be produced and then channeled into our chakra and meridian systems to help keep us energised, vital and healthy.

The practise has also been used as a form of ‘soul development’ that takes sex beyond fleeting physical gratification to greater union and closeness. Using controlled movements and caresses that don’t lead to orgasm, the technique generates a steady stream of sexual energy that is converted into feelings of sublime joy and love.

So here it is… your guide to some of the principles involved in non orgasmic sex:

1. Connecting

Conscious connection is about staying present, tuning in to how your body feels, how your breathing flows, how your partner looks, feels or tastes and each and every passing moment. Feel your pleasure fully, take your time, and connect to your partner through prolonged eye contact, foreplay and caressing to help build up a sexual charge.

2. Breathing

Conscious breathing patterns help to connect us, both with ourselves and our partners – but breathing also enables us to collect up and move the ‘charge’ that builds up in our genitals during arousal, instead of leaving energy stuck there, where it can build up to the point of ejaculation. Circulating energy in this way can lead to some of the most profound, blissful states ever experienced, all without actually ‘coming’.

To do it, simply breathe in a continuous flow, with no pause between inhale and exhale. Breathe in and out through the mouth with lips slightly parted, allowing the belly to rise on each exhalation as you bring the breath all the way down into the diaphragm. Then just allow the breath to just fall out of the body on the exhale, as you make an ‘aaahhh’ sound. Most importantly, focus on making your breath a complete, unbroken circle.

3. Edging

‘Edging’ involves bringing yourself close to, but not over the point of no return. Contract your pelvic floor while you stop stimulating yourself for up to 20 seconds to allow the urge to come to subside. Guys, try pulling gently on your balls or squeeze around the base of the head of the penis to help delay ejaculation. Remember to breathe deeply into the belly to help energy move upwards.

Over time you’ll find your arousal levels rise to higher and higher peaks of pleasure, which you’ll start to feel through your whole body instead of just in the genitals. After you’ve peaked several times without ejaculating, stop here and notice how you feel. You might feel heat, or a tingling, buzzing sensation, you might feel highly energised or just very peaceful.

Many other cultures are wise to this type of sex, building energy slowly, taking their time, and enjoying longer-lasting, more fulfilling orgasms, instead of the ‘itch-scratching’ sex we’re perhaps more accustomed to in the West.

As you experiment with these tools, reserving your orgasm for ‘special occasions’ or foregoing it altogether, you’ll find that your sexual energy begins to seep into every cell in your body, and you start to glow with good health.

Remember that we’re most alive when we’re circulating energy – both within ourselves, and within our relationships. This technique allows you to do both at once, channeling sexual energy where it’s needed most, to help you feel alive and connected like never before.

In love and light,