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What Is Love?

Dec 312013

My business partner Matt and I just spent a looong but productive weekend in a studio, filming with a couple of fantastic models for our video Masterclass series (set to launch early in the new year.) I’m so excited, and we’re looking forward to the day when www.techniquesforabetterlovelife.com finally goes live.

Following on from that theme, this week’s blog is all about love. Our love relationships are the greatest gifts, and also the biggest challenges we’ll face in our lifetimes. Yet it’s important to realise what love actually is, and what it’s not. So here are a few facts you might not know about this mysterious and unpredictable force we call love.

1: Love is not exclusive
We’re conditioned by everything from cultural influences to Hollywood movies to think that love is mostly about ‘the one’. But the reality is, you can experience moments of love with anyone, whether soulmate or stranger. Love is a wave of good feelings and mutual care that’s felt in two or more brains and bodies at the same time. Love can appear anytime, anywhere and with anyone.

2. Love is cumulative
A loving bond is the product of many micro-moments of shared experiences. Little acts of forgetfulness can add up to big problems – so don’t wait for Christmas, birthdays or Valentine’s Day. Love is something we need to keep cultivating, moment by moment, day by day if we want to keep it alive.

3. Love has four key ingredients
Kindness, gentleness, care and contentment are the four pillars that support love. Staying in love means creating an attitude that cultivates these feelings, and reflects them in all that we do.

4. Love has ‘presence’
Love goes deeper when you learn to be in the moment, to be quiet and not talk too much. We need to cultivate the space for love, and when our minds are at peace, our bodies can be more relaxed, and our hearts more open.

5. Eye contact is the gateway to love
Your body has the ability to ‘catch’ the emotions of others – but you can block this process if you fail to make regular and lingering eye contact. Meeting eyes is the catalyst for love. More on that in our Masterclass!

6. Expectations can kill love
When we don’t accept another for who they are, or try to change them to fit our idea of who they should be, love dies. So love someone without expectation. Love someone you dislike. Love someone you fear. Love someone you left behind. Love the flaws and the failings, and accept them as they are.

7. Love and compassion can be one and the same
Remember that love doesn’t require you to ignore or suppress negativity. If you can add an element of kindness, empathy or appreciation to the mix, you create compassion – the form love takes when suffering occurs.

8. Love isn’t only about a lover
Love is a state of being – it’s not always about another person. To feel real love, we must be ‘in love’, without necessarily having a person to love. Love is an attitude – whether it’s directed towards a person, an animal, nature, a movie, a book, or to life itself.

I hope that’s given you a few things to think about! Watch out for more updates on the practical video Masterclass to help you cultivate more love in your life, coming very soon.

In love and light,


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