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Sensual touch and consent

Oct 012019

Hello, lovely readers.  Recently I saw an awesome video featuring one of my friends and associates, Mistress Tokyo.  She’s bringing some exposure to the world of touch and consent.  It’s a great discussion and really fun.  Click here if you’d like to take a look.  

Consent is one of the most important features of intimacy and sensual play.  Whether it’s a gentle touch, or a kiss, or a spanking, or something more, it’s important to know that your partner wants to go there.  When you communicate and get to know what your partner is open to, you create a safe container for your play.  You make sure it’s a beautiful, fun, and healing experience for both of you.  This helps you to push the boundaries and explore new territory while still ensuring that both of you are having a beautiful experience, all the way through.

The first thing to remember is that consent comes into play before you even get into the bedroom.  It’s about communication and trust.  Have a conversation with your partner.  Explore your limits.  What are you comfortable with?  What would you like to explore?  Communication helps you to create a safe container for your play, to ensure that your partner feels held and is able to relax into the experience.

Communication doesn’t stop there.  It’s important to keep it going all through your play.  One important element, if you want to bring more kink into the bedroom, is to use safe words.  Choose a word that means “no” and “stop.”  Make it something that would never come up in the ordinary process of your sensory play, so that you have a clear signal that won’t break the flow, something that either of you can say if things go further than you’re ready for in the moment.

Another thing to remember is that consent isn’t a “once and done” thing.  Your limits can change in the moment, so the lines of communication have to stay open throughout.  One great way of working with the changing levels of consent during the play is to use the traffic light system: green, yellow and red.  This is simple, and everyone knows what the colours mean right from the start.  Green gives the go-ahead, yellow says, “slow down, I’m approaching my limit” and red means “stop”.

With a system like this, you can keep communication going throughout the play and make sure that your consent, in the moment, is in line with what’s happening in your play.

One area where this is really helpful is anal play.  This can be delicious and exciting, for both men and women.  But before you just jump into it, you want to make sure your partner is ready.  Ask about whether they are open to it beforehand.  And, since consent shifts from one moment to the next, make sure your lover is relaxed and ready to go further.  Ease into it, ask if it’s ok, if your partner enjoys your touch.  With communication and trust, you can step into some delicious new places of trust and sensuality.

Touch is one of the most healing forms of interaction we can share.  And the healing comes directly from consent, communication, and trust.  If you want to know more about this, reach out.  I love to help my clients explore new territory, to get embodied and delve into all the touch they’d like to experience.

In love and light,


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