I want a man with a slow hand,
I want a lover with an easy touch,
I want somebody who will spend some time,
Not come and go in a heated rush,
I want somebody who will understand,
When it comes to love, I want a slow hand.
The Pointer Sisters – Slow Hand 1981
The Pointer Sisters might not have known about tantra, but they understood its essence. Tantra is an art of intimacy and connection. It touches upon the rawest and most fundamental aspects of our being. Our body. Our nerves. Our feelings and emotions. These aspects of our being touch our very core. Tantra is true intimacy, and to be truly intimate, we have to slow down, be still, and tune in to the deliberate, surging rhythms of the body and sensuality.
Many of us have learned to be unconscious in our sexuality. We touch, but the touch comes from the mind. We make love, but all too often it is a headlong rush to orgasm. But the potential is so much more. Our touch can awaken the senses, sending rippling sensations all through our lover. Our hands can stroke, caress, hold, and communicate. Our touch can stimulate, calm, communicate affection, inspire sensuality, or move our lover to arousal. It offers communication on a level far deeper than words.
The skin is our largest organ, filled with millions of nerve fibers and exquisitely responsive to touch. Touching our lover can soothe their anxiety, improve their mood, and chase their troubles away. Every inch of our body is an erogenous zone. It is a sensual playground which can be touched, tapped, caressed, stroked, tickled, and squeezed. Each type of touch offers its own sensation. Giving the whole body attention stimulates and enlivens the nerves, arousing and delighting in a way that you can’t experience when focusing your attention solely on the breasts and genitals.
When touching your lover, explore their body from head to toe. Be present and mindful. Consider your intention. Are you intending to arouse? To calm? To relieve tension? Your lover receives your intentions with your touch, hearing your communication louder and more clearly than can be shared with a thousand words.
Mindful touch actually changes our brains over time. It helps to develop our prefrontal cortex, the part of our brains associated with empathy, intuition, and impulse control. It is extremely powerful, a way to heal others on a deep level and awaken the senses. Mindful touch can relax the body and release blocked energy. It can increase awareness and invite a healing experience for the entire body. Touch with consciousness awakens the senses to allow ripples of ecstasy to flow through the body.
The entire body has the potential to be erogenous, every inch capable of receiving delicious orgasmic sensation. As you touch your lover, visualise your intention. Allow that energy to radiate from your fingertips. Whether it is for massage or for connection, let the energy of your intention be delivered through the silent communication of contact. The message delivered is physical and electric, able to express love, tenderness, and warmth without a word. Use your imagination and make your sensual play a theatre of touch, exploring your lover from head to toe, revelling in the beauty of their being.
Sensual touch, slow, conscious connection, is an amazing way to deepen intimacy. It can shine the light on your sexual nature, and that of your partner, exploring undiscovered realms of sensuality and deepening the relationship in unsuspected ways. This isn’t a matter of technique, but of really being there when you touch, of bringing your whole self to the moment of contact. This is sensual, rather than sexual, focusing on feeling every sensation rather than trying to rush to the moment of orgasm.
Here are some tips to help you explore the world of sensual touch further:
1. Take your time
Real intimacy isn’t rushed. It isn’t for quickies, for rushed moments fit in between other activities or responsibilities. Sensual touch is subtle, slow, and delicious. Clear the calendar. Take the time to really be there. When you take your time, you can explore every inch of your lover’s body and give time for the pleasure to build to exquisite heights.
2. Get grounded
Your touch is an energetic communication. Everything you have inside of you comes across with your contact. When moving into a sensual realm with your lover, clear your mind. Let go of what you might have to do in an hour, tomorrow, next week. Let go of anything other than where you are right now, than the beauty of your partner before. You may wish to exercise or do a bit of yoga first. The real key is to get grounded and present, to let go of anything that pulls your attention away from the moment.
3. Comfort is key
If you really want to tune into feeling, you have to be comfortable and able to relax. You may want to start by taking a bath or a walk, making space to allow your partner to let the stress flow away and tune in to the sensations of the body. Find out what makes your lover comfortable and make that happen. Take some time apart from the hectic pace of everyday life and make your sensual play an event that you can share.
4. Mood is everything
Ambience creates the mood. Soft lighting, pleasant temperature, consider every aspect of the sensual experience. Every sense is a gateway to pleasure. Bring in a bit of music, something exciting, soothing, and yet not distracting. Create an atmosphere that allows you both to relax and focus on the moment.
5. No looking!
Our minds and eyes go together. That means that mental experiences are often focused on the visual. When we close our eyes, this focuses our attention on sensation, on feeling, sound, smell, all of the senses neglected in daily life. This offers potential for a truly sensual experience. You may want to offer your partner a blindfold, something to let go of the need to see and move more fully into the realm of feeling.
6. Explore the whole body
Look at your lover. See all of them, from head to toe. Take them in with your eyes. See every gorgeous inch, bringing your eyes from their feel to their head. Let go of any critical impulses. Connect with your sense of appreciation for your partner. Tune in to where they are right now. How are they holding themselves? Are there any points of tension? Tune in to what really turns you on about your lover. See them, fully and completely.
7. Tell them what you love about them
Communication is the sexiest thing we can do. Tell your lover what you love about them. Mention the parts of their body or their being that turn you on. Let them know how you really feel. It’s amazingly arousing to be seen and to be appreciated, just as we are. Bring the enjoyment coming from your exploration of your lover’s body to your lips and share it with them.
8. Begin touching
Where do your hands want to go? What part of your lover’s body is calling for your attention? Let your hands go where they want to go, touching as lightly as possible at first. This is like a tactile whisper. Just graze your partner’s skin, sliding across their body. This is exciting, stimulating, encouraging your lover to want to feel more. Subtlety is key now. Keep this going for as long as you can, building your lover’s anticipation.
9. Pay attention
How does your partner respond to your touch? How does it feel for them? Notice the noises they make, how they move as they receive your attention. Notice the expressions on their face. Their breath. Your lover will let you know what feels good for them, what they like. Notice how the contact feels for you. What does their skin feel like? What does it feel like from within to touch your lover? Keep tuned in to the subtle feelings as you offer your partner sensation.
10. What are you touching with?
Fingertips? Back of the Hand? Side of the wrist? Each part of your body offers different sensations. Explore this. How does the sensation change for you when you touch your lover with different parts of your body? How does your lover feel it? Pay attention. You will find all sorts of beautiful variations in intensity and sensation.
11. How are you touching?
Caress. Massage. Squeeze. Tickle. Stroke. Press. Tap. How many different kinds of touch can you imagine? Every single one offers its own distinct sensation. Each one communicates something different. Speak to your lover with your touch, saying exactly what you want to say in the moment. Let your contact be sensual poetry.
12. Play the intensity
We all love a bit of variety. It’s hardwired. We love the sensations and experiences to shift from one moment to the next. Change it up from a soft stroke to a more vigorous contact. Make the transitions so slow that your lover doesn’t even realise that the change is happening.
13. Deepen into the journey of touch
The key is to start slow, but that’s just the start. Here’s where we can finally begin to get hot and heavy. Bring both hands into play, use your legs, feet, lips, anything you’ve got into play in connecting with your lover. There’s no one way to do this. Feel the energy and the moment. Follow where it leads.
There’s no manual for true intimacy, but if you follow these tips, you are sure to have a deeper and more delightful connection with your lover.
Just remember that your energy level is important. Your touch is wordless communication.
Whatever you feel will be felt by your lover. This is about real feeling, rather than orgasm. Be present to the sensations of the moment.
Make your partner’s experience central to your intentions, and you will be amazed at the heights of pleasure you can reach.
Light and blessings