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50 Shades of Hooray!

Jul 302012

Unless you’ve been hiding in a cave lately, you’ve probably heard about 50 Shades of Grey, the latest erotic novel to take the world by storm. Having consistently topped the New York Times bestseller list for the past few months, there’s no denying that bondage is a real source of intrigue and fascination at the moment. And while the book has been criticised for its depiction of female submission, and for peddling what’s been dubbed ‘Mommy Porn’, I think it’s great that this often ignored subject is finally being given the mainstream coverage it deserves.

In any event, the desire for submission is hardly something that’s unique to women. In a world where both women and men are often expected to take responsibility and shoulder the burden (whether in a work environment, or around family, friends and social groups), continually playing the role of leader can become exhausting.

That’s where the S&M and bondage scenes, and some of the more ‘theatrical’ sexual role plays and fantasies can be so useful. Enabling us to step outside the normal everyday boundaries and escape our routines, bondage offers us the opportunity to experience what it feels like to really let go, and to totally surrender control.

But contrary to popular belief, bondage isn’t always about dingy dungeons, and sinister, degrading sexual practices. There’s actually a smorgasbord of different practices and styles to choose from. And if you’re a beginner to the world of S&M, a great starting point is Bondassage, a style of kinky massage that offers a taster plate of sensation play, light flogging and simple bondage techniques.

Bondassage is designed as an introduction to the art of S&M – and while it’s not extreme enough to leave any scars, it definitely takes clients off the beaten path on amazing sensation-rich journey into new territory, as they explore their desires and boundaries.

My own experience in this area tells me that ‘liberation through constraint’ is something we’re all curious about. My Bondassage clients include men, women and couples of all ages – and I believe it’s no coincidence that they’re often high achievers, who regularly feel the weight of expectation and pressure to perform. Their experience on my massage table is much-needed time out from those stresses and strains, and an opportunity to surrender, explore, be vulnerable, go deep inside their bodies, and forget their everyday selves for a while.

If you’re a novice to S&M, and interested in having a 50 Shades of Grey experience of your own, why not book in for a Bondassage session with me. To find out more, visit my Bondassage website. www.bondassagebliss.com


Vagina! There, I said it.

Jul 242012

VAGINA! There, I said it.

Half the world’s population have one… but the latest media storm surrounding the use of the word ‘vagina’ in Carefree’s latest ad campaign, seems to suggest we’re still not ready to talk like grown-ups about women’s bodies.

This is apparently the first time in Australia that an ad has dared to call a spade a spade, instead of making vague and coy references to ‘down there’. The word itself is actually mentioned very casually and in passing, rather than being laboured, or used purely for shock value. And yet, the ad has already sparked dozens of complaints, which either focus on the word itself, or on the fact that the woman in the ad appears naked (though she is actually tastefully obscured by props). The subject was even raised as a discussion point on ABC’s Q&A this week.

It strikes me as highly ironic that we place such a taboo on perfectly normal images of the naked form, and of words like ‘vagina’. As for ‘cunt’, (which is really just another variation on a theme), it seems to trigger almost universal shock and disgust on the rare occasions it’s ever used in public.

And yet, there are other words, such as ‘torture’ and ‘kill’ that reference subjects we don’t get nearly worked up enough about. In fact, they’re words so commonplace, we could use them for something as mundane as simply describing the traffic.

Have we got it all wrong? Why should a word like ‘vagina’ be such an affront to peoples’ morals? Why is there still such a stigma and shame around female sexuality? Isn’t it time we began questioning the validity of these silly reactions? Then perhaps we’ll be free to start focusing on some of the world’s more pressing issues that really are an affront to humanity.

The Art of Great Sex

Jul 152012



Woody Allen had it about right when he rated his brain as his second favourite organ! There’s no doubt that sex is one of our fundamental driving forces, enabling us to transcend the everyday and tap into the divine.

But in the midst of our hectic lives, the act can often feel rushed, unfulfilling, or like scratching an itch that’s never properly satisfied. Yet done properly, sex can just as expressive and artful and fulfilling as music or painting. And like any art, good sex takes practice!

That’s where tantra comes in handy. Tantric principles help you to ‘play’ your body, just like any other musical instrument you’d like to master. And, with regular practice, you can start learning the right cords to play at the right time, when to play softly and when to strum harder, and how to build your song to a spectacular climax!

Put simply, tantra help you to tune in and stay present, to really feel what’s happening in the moment. It’s often all too easy to drift off, get distracted or slip into fantasy mode, instead of fully feeling your pleasure and connecting to your self or your partner. Listen to how your body feels, how your breathing flows, how your partner looks, feels or tastes, what kind of emotions are coming up, and to each and every note being played during your ‘dance’.

Directing your awareness, breathing deeply and really feeling the associated sensations and emotions helps you to connect with your inner world – and that connection helps you to fully relax and let go, making sex more of a transformative experience.

Learn your art and you’ll be able to consciously enjoy the journey of sex, instead of just its conclusion. And you’ll start experiencing fewer of the less intense ‘genital-only’ orgasms, and more of the holy grail of sex – those toe-curling full body climaxes that give greater meaning, depth and joy to all aspects of our lives.

Full Mind, or Mindful?

Jul 012012

Mindfulness.  You may have heard the word…but what is it really about?

Well, it’s to do with being totally present and focused, and having a full, conscious awareness of whatever you’re doing in the moment.  But yes, sometimes that is easier said than done!

Our brains can work like tape recorders – either stuck on fast forward, in planning mode, thinking about all the things we need to do – or stuck in reverse, going over our lives, wondering about what-ifs and maybes.  Like a monkey, the mind chatters away, and it’s this relentless noise that can make us stressed, anxious and tense.

Distraction also disconnects us from the sensual side of life, because when we’re not fully aware of what’s happening to us in the moment, we miss out on life’s little pleasures, and the full depth of our sensuality.

Think about how you approach the small tasks.  Do you rush through the washing up… or do you take your time and really ‘feel’ it.  It might sound strange, but you can turn something as mundane as doing the dishes into a mindful experience.  Try fully focusing on and feeling the heat and silkiness of the water on your hands, the squishiness of the sponge between your fingers and the zesty steam from the water as it curls around your nostrils, and you’re on the way to conscious awareness!

Here’s another exercise to try for a couple of minutes:

-Find a quiet spot and close your eyes.

-Focus all your attention on the little finger on your right hand.

-Take some deep breaths into your belly.

-Now on the inhale, imagine sending your breath through your body to that finger.

-Next, with each inhale, imagine pulling a bean of light in through the crown of your head and down to your finger.

-Feel the blood pulsing there and note any sensations as you continue to breathe slowly and deeply.

Hopefully you’ll sense your finger started to feel bigger, perhaps a bit tingly, and more ‘awake’.  Or maybe it felt like it was the only finger on your hand.

This simple exercise shows how focused awareness and imagination can enhance sensation.  Imagine what could happen if you could apply the technique to other areas of your own body – or your lover’s!

So trade a full mind for being mindful, and start connecting to life on an even deeper level.