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Feel The Force

Aug 192012
 

‘Energy’. It’s a word that’s often thrown around… but how much do most of us really understand about the concept? Well, in Tantra, energy is more than just an idea – it’s actually a physical force that can be harnessed, played with, moved around the body.

If you think about it, everything is energy. Each living thing in the universe is made up of atoms and molecules, those tiny particles that are the building blocks of life. This vibrating ‘sea’ of energy is all around us and within us, connecting us to each other and to everything. But we’re not just helplessly entangled in it – we can actually influence and change the energy field around us.

Here’s a quick exercise to help illustrate. Rub your hands together as hard and quickly as you can for 10 to 20 seconds, then hold them together so your palms are almost, but not quite touching. You should feel some heat and tingling, and you may even feel a kind of force field between your hands, like they’re magnetised. What’s happened is you’ve created a small electrical charge of energy in your hands using friction.

This ‘charge’ can be redirected to another part of the body. Rub your hands together again, but this time place them on your heart, breathe deeply and feel that energy enter your chest. Does your heart feel warmer or more open? Maybe you feel a little more connected to your emotions. You’ve just created and moved energy around the body, and Tantra teaches many methods like this to create, build and transfer energy from one place to another.

When energy circulates freely through the body, we’re at our happiest and healthiest. We also feel most connected – to ourselves, the people in our lives and the world around us. But when energy’s blocked, we feel lifeless and exhausted. Of course, these feelings can be caused by other things – but there’s also often a blockage in the flow of life force energy.

Try this body scan to find where energy might be stuck. Close your eyes and focus on your body. Which parts can you feel most clearly? Your arms and legs? Belly? Toes? Genitals? Shoulders? Jaw? Now tune in to which parts feel a bit more vague and hard to read. Perhaps these are areas where energy is trapped or sluggish and in need of work. And that’s where a session with me can be really helpful.

Bring Tantra Into Your Everyday Life.

Aug 112012
 

Asking permission to RECREATE INTENSE ROMANCE… and have it, just like it was at the start of your relationship.

Are you experiencing ‘flat-lining’ in your intimate relationship? Do you feel that there is no ‘new-ness’… that is, the ‘new’ sense of adventure that comes from being in the courtship phase of a relationship? That’s the time when you experienced a very strong sense of romance, when you (and your beloved) were VERY excited to be with each another?

If you’re avoiding intimacy because you’re experiencing boredom from monotonous intimate experiences… then here’s a simple way of recreating ‘newness’ and heightening your sense of romance — and have it, just like it was at the start of your relationship!

It’s very simple. Here’s how — ask permission.
 

Create a practice in your intimate time, where you ask permission for e-v-e-r-y thing and e-v-e-r-y step you take… and then listen for, and honor the answer that comes back to you.See how this changes your experience from the ‘usual’ menu.

Make sure you set the intention first with your beloved. Ask them “my darling, I yearn for us to melt together. Tonight (or this Saturday etc) can we take time out from the world and reconnect?”

Creating an atmosphere of sacredness works. This means turning off all phones, the TV and making sure the children are out of the house so that you have privacy.

Ask yourself: how can I nurture my beloved?
Ask yourself: what can I do so that my beloved feels supported?
And add these into your love making.

Great and obvious choices are…
…. running a bath for your beloved and then sitting beside the tub and slowly washing them.
… no bath? Then shampoo and condition your beloved’s hair in the shower.
… ask them to relax while you towel dry them. You get the idea!

During your time together, instead of touching them as you normally would, S-L-O-W down and ask permission. Ask permission for e-v-e-r-y thing and e-v-e-r-y step you take during your time together.

Ask “may I…?”

Notice the amazing differences this same and simple process makes! It’s like pressing the reset button on a monotonous relationship.

I invite you to try it out.

 

 

 

 

Eyes Wide Open

Aug 052012
 

I was watching Ghost the other day, and during a particularly passionate kissing scene, I noticed that both actors had their eyes shut. It started me thinking about how most people close their eyes when kissing. And as for sex, well, how often can you recall having your eyes open at the moment of orgasm? Yep, and you’re not alone – for most of us, our eyes are more likely to be rolling back in our heads than focused outward.

‘So what’, you might ask. Well, this notion of closing your eyes during key intimate moments actually disconnects you from your partner. We often (but not always) close our eyes to give free reign to those sexual fantasies in our minds, helping us to build momentum towards climax. But in doing so, we’re subconsciously choosing a ‘solo’ experience over a shared one, and denying ourselves the opportunity to strengthen our connection and truly be ‘in the moment’.

So, here’s a suggestion. Next time you kiss, or make love with a partner, try keeping your eyes open, and see what happens. You can even experiment with focusing your attention more often and more intently on their left eye, as this is the eye that is thought to be more receptive to emotions. There’s no need to go overboard though – remember, you’re gazing with love and adoration, rather than with the unblinking stare of a serial killer! Make it feel natural and warm and notice the difference in the quality of your experience together.

Hopefully you’ll find that holding eye contact like this creates greater intimacy and intensity, enabling you to share your experience, rather than disappearing off into fantasy-land. You can even try it outside the bedroom, with friends, family and even the people you meet during your day, to help you connect on a deeper level and live more consciously and in the moment – which is, after all, what we’re here to practice.

50 Shades of Hooray!

Jul 302012
 

Unless you’ve been hiding in a cave lately, you’ve probably heard about 50 Shades of Grey, the latest erotic novel to take the world by storm. Having consistently topped the New York Times bestseller list for the past few months, there’s no denying that bondage is a real source of intrigue and fascination at the moment. And while the book has been criticised for its depiction of female submission, and for peddling what’s been dubbed ‘Mommy Porn’, I think it’s great that this often ignored subject is finally being given the mainstream coverage it deserves.

In any event, the desire for submission is hardly something that’s unique to women. In a world where both women and men are often expected to take responsibility and shoulder the burden (whether in a work environment, or around family, friends and social groups), continually playing the role of leader can become exhausting.

That’s where the S&M and bondage scenes, and some of the more ‘theatrical’ sexual role plays and fantasies can be so useful. Enabling us to step outside the normal everyday boundaries and escape our routines, bondage offers us the opportunity to experience what it feels like to really let go, and to totally surrender control.

But contrary to popular belief, bondage isn’t always about dingy dungeons, and sinister, degrading sexual practices. There’s actually a smorgasbord of different practices and styles to choose from. And if you’re a beginner to the world of S&M, a great starting point is Bondassage, a style of kinky massage that offers a taster plate of sensation play, light flogging and simple bondage techniques.

Bondassage is designed as an introduction to the art of S&M – and while it’s not extreme enough to leave any scars, it definitely takes clients off the beaten path on amazing sensation-rich journey into new territory, as they explore their desires and boundaries.

My own experience in this area tells me that ‘liberation through constraint’ is something we’re all curious about. My Bondassage clients include men, women and couples of all ages – and I believe it’s no coincidence that they’re often high achievers, who regularly feel the weight of expectation and pressure to perform. Their experience on my massage table is much-needed time out from those stresses and strains, and an opportunity to surrender, explore, be vulnerable, go deep inside their bodies, and forget their everyday selves for a while.

If you’re a novice to S&M, and interested in having a 50 Shades of Grey experience of your own, why not book in for a Bondassage session with me. To find out more, visit my Bondassage website. www.bondassagebliss.com

 

Vagina! There, I said it.

Jul 242012
 

VAGINA! There, I said it.

Half the world’s population have one… but the latest media storm surrounding the use of the word ‘vagina’ in Carefree’s latest ad campaign, seems to suggest we’re still not ready to talk like grown-ups about women’s bodies.

This is apparently the first time in Australia that an ad has dared to call a spade a spade, instead of making vague and coy references to ‘down there’. The word itself is actually mentioned very casually and in passing, rather than being laboured, or used purely for shock value. And yet, the ad has already sparked dozens of complaints, which either focus on the word itself, or on the fact that the woman in the ad appears naked (though she is actually tastefully obscured by props). The subject was even raised as a discussion point on ABC’s Q&A this week.

It strikes me as highly ironic that we place such a taboo on perfectly normal images of the naked form, and of words like ‘vagina’. As for ‘cunt’, (which is really just another variation on a theme), it seems to trigger almost universal shock and disgust on the rare occasions it’s ever used in public.

And yet, there are other words, such as ‘torture’ and ‘kill’ that reference subjects we don’t get nearly worked up enough about. In fact, they’re words so commonplace, we could use them for something as mundane as simply describing the traffic.

Have we got it all wrong? Why should a word like ‘vagina’ be such an affront to peoples’ morals? Why is there still such a stigma and shame around female sexuality? Isn’t it time we began questioning the validity of these silly reactions? Then perhaps we’ll be free to start focusing on some of the world’s more pressing issues that really are an affront to humanity.

The Art of Great Sex

Jul 152012
 

 

 

Woody Allen had it about right when he rated his brain as his second favourite organ! There’s no doubt that sex is one of our fundamental driving forces, enabling us to transcend the everyday and tap into the divine.

But in the midst of our hectic lives, the act can often feel rushed, unfulfilling, or like scratching an itch that’s never properly satisfied. Yet done properly, sex can just as expressive and artful and fulfilling as music or painting. And like any art, good sex takes practice!

That’s where tantra comes in handy. Tantric principles help you to ‘play’ your body, just like any other musical instrument you’d like to master. And, with regular practice, you can start learning the right cords to play at the right time, when to play softly and when to strum harder, and how to build your song to a spectacular climax!

Put simply, tantra help you to tune in and stay present, to really feel what’s happening in the moment. It’s often all too easy to drift off, get distracted or slip into fantasy mode, instead of fully feeling your pleasure and connecting to your self or your partner. Listen to how your body feels, how your breathing flows, how your partner looks, feels or tastes, what kind of emotions are coming up, and to each and every note being played during your ‘dance’.

Directing your awareness, breathing deeply and really feeling the associated sensations and emotions helps you to connect with your inner world – and that connection helps you to fully relax and let go, making sex more of a transformative experience.

Learn your art and you’ll be able to consciously enjoy the journey of sex, instead of just its conclusion. And you’ll start experiencing fewer of the less intense ‘genital-only’ orgasms, and more of the holy grail of sex – those toe-curling full body climaxes that give greater meaning, depth and joy to all aspects of our lives.

Full Mind, or Mindful?

Jul 012012
 

Mindfulness.  You may have heard the word…but what is it really about?

Well, it’s to do with being totally present and focused, and having a full, conscious awareness of whatever you’re doing in the moment.  But yes, sometimes that is easier said than done!

Our brains can work like tape recorders – either stuck on fast forward, in planning mode, thinking about all the things we need to do – or stuck in reverse, going over our lives, wondering about what-ifs and maybes.  Like a monkey, the mind chatters away, and it’s this relentless noise that can make us stressed, anxious and tense.

Distraction also disconnects us from the sensual side of life, because when we’re not fully aware of what’s happening to us in the moment, we miss out on life’s little pleasures, and the full depth of our sensuality.

Think about how you approach the small tasks.  Do you rush through the washing up… or do you take your time and really ‘feel’ it.  It might sound strange, but you can turn something as mundane as doing the dishes into a mindful experience.  Try fully focusing on and feeling the heat and silkiness of the water on your hands, the squishiness of the sponge between your fingers and the zesty steam from the water as it curls around your nostrils, and you’re on the way to conscious awareness!

Here’s another exercise to try for a couple of minutes:

-Find a quiet spot and close your eyes.

-Focus all your attention on the little finger on your right hand.

-Take some deep breaths into your belly.

-Now on the inhale, imagine sending your breath through your body to that finger.

-Next, with each inhale, imagine pulling a bean of light in through the crown of your head and down to your finger.

-Feel the blood pulsing there and note any sensations as you continue to breathe slowly and deeply.

Hopefully you’ll sense your finger started to feel bigger, perhaps a bit tingly, and more ‘awake’.  Or maybe it felt like it was the only finger on your hand.

This simple exercise shows how focused awareness and imagination can enhance sensation.  Imagine what could happen if you could apply the technique to other areas of your own body – or your lover’s!

So trade a full mind for being mindful, and start connecting to life on an even deeper level.

The Art of Touch.

Jun 242012
 

We’ve all heard this song (well, you have if you’re old enough, like me!). The chorus goes:

“I want a man with a slow hand,
I want a lover with an easy touch,
I want somebody who will spend some time,
Not come and go in a heated rush,
I want somebody who will understand,
When it comes to love I want a slow hand”.

This song was by the Pointer Sisters, and they got it spot on!

Some tips when you’re practicing the art of touching:

– Touch with the whole hand, not just the fingers or palm. Place your entire hand on the body – it lets the receiver know you’re present and helps them to feel confident in your abilities.

– When you touch the body slowly and with awareness, you are more likely to be present and in tune with your partner. When this happens you become one with the other. That enables you to both receive from this touch.

When receiving touch, each person generally likes it to be exactly how they feel it’s needed for their own particular body. We all have distinct and individual needs – so when you’re giving touch, you need to be responsive to their requests. How do we do that? Simply by asking the person what they need in the moment. Listen to what they’re telling you, then act on their feedback.

Remember, go slow, have an easy touch and don’t be in a heated rush! Understand the person you are touching and you will always have a wonderful session.

Now, go touch someone!

Free Up Your Hugs

Jun 172012
 

Recently, an online video called ‘Free Hugs’ went viral.  It told the story of a person holding a sign up in Sydney’s Pitt Street Mall advertising ‘FREE HUGS’. While people started off ignoring him, one by one they eventually began to go over and take him up on his offer.  While watching, I spotted a friend of mine. I knew he would never pass up an offer like that – and sure enough, he went over for his hug, too. It was a touching video, and a great reminder of how important these moments in life are.

We hug our babies, and receive endless joy from that simple act – but so often in our adult life, we lose sight of that connection with others. Yet hugging can work in many magical ways, bringing us into a state of surrender, helping us to feel good and allowing us to do something loving and selfless when another is in need.

In my own experience, being a mere 5”1 means that receiving a hug can sometimes be awkward.  I was often forced to step on tippy toes so I could reach the other person, which stretched out my whole body, making it somewhat uncomfortable. But over the years of becoming a hugging expert, I’ve learned that if someone is taller than me, they can easily come down to my level to give me a hug!

I’ve noticed that people use all kinds of methods to hug each other. There’s the tent hug, where we hold ourselves away and only hug the top part of our bodies together, and the trucker’s hug, where we just pat the other person on the back, without even making any body contact at all.  When we hug someone but hold on to our own arms, I call this one the self-hug.  Then there’s the one that is my worst nightmare: the bear hug! Men often go in for this one, and you’re literally squeezed so hard that you think your ribs are going to break and you can no longer breathe.

We often miss the point of a hug… but there is a way to hug where both people can feel aligned with each other. It’s a hug from the heart, where body contact is made and you both feel totally connected over a period of time. You can practice with your beloved, or just start to hug people in this way and notice the different feelings it brings to you and your hug buddy.

Start off by bringing your feet into alignment, then bend your knees slightly and allow one person to come into the other person’s body.  Now bring your arms behind onto the back, placing one hand on the bottom of the spine and the other near the heart. Next, place your head on the person’s shoulders and just hang out and breathe. This is a full body hug. Stay there for some time and notice the different quality of this type of hug.

Often I have clients who go to shake my hand after a session, and instead I offer them this hug. I can always feel them surrendering as they receive love. It’s great to see their defenses come down, and as humans, we respond very powerfully to this simple act.

It takes a little practice to get used to hugging this way – but believe me, it’s well worth the effort.

 

 

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