As some of you will know, my recent knee injury has meant an enforced period of rest and relaxation – and seeing as I’ve had to spend a little more time than usual sitting on my butt (in between numerous physio visits and strengthening exercises) while it heals, I thought I might as well make our backsides the theme of this week’s blog!

Possibly due to its location (i.e. behind us), the butt is one of the most overlooked areas of our own bodies (admired though it may be by others!). Yet with its many sensitive nerve endings and pleasure centres, this area is a party waiting to go off! So the next couple of blogs will offer a hands-on, practical approach to get us to the bottom of the er, bottom, as we delve into one of the body’s most sensitive and vulnerable areas.

Our attitudes to the anal area are often charged with strong emotions, conditioned as we are to regard it as a ‘taboo’ region. We can often clench and hold our sphincters unconsciously, especially during times of stress or upset – and if you know someone who’s slightly anal retentive, their behaviour could easily be linked to some type of tension in this area. With this in mind, doing work here can be immensely helpful, both physically and emotionally.

The anus also plays a key role in pumping energy through the body – so on an energetic level, butt play can even help connect you with your heart and emotions, as energy is squeezed upwards to the heart centre.

To activate this area, begin by taking some deep breaths into the belly, and as you inhale, start clenching and squeezing the area around the sphincter, then relax it on each exhale. It’s as if you’re pulling the whole area up inside the body as you clench the anus and perineum.

Next, gradually speed up the breathing and clenching, before taking some double inhales (with matching double squeezes), followed by a single exhale/release. Finally, take a few quick short breaths with a clench on each inhale. Ensure you completely relax on each exhale.

This exercise can be done anywhere, and part of the fun is that you can do it without anyone even realising – which means you can incorporate it into one of those dull business meetings, while you’re waiting for a bus, or when you’re chatting to a friend over coffee! Make it part of your daily routine and over time it’ll become second nature.

Practising these daily pelvic floor exercises, you’ll release tension, gain greater control over orgasm and increase the libido. For the guys, these exercises will also give you a firmer erection, better prostate health and help you to shoot further and for longer during ejaculation. Aim to do 50-100 of these ‘bottom breaths’ each day and you’ll soon notice the difference.

So no ‘if’s’, no ‘buts’ – do your daily derriere duty and reap the health, energetic and emotional benefits

Next week: butt play for couples.

In love and light,

Taranga

Sometimes I can hear my neighbours having sex. There, I said it. Apologies, neighbours, if you’re reading this! Not wishing to embarrass you or show you up – I’m just borrowing you as inspiration for this week’s blog. Hope you don’t mind!

It’s funny how prudish or embarrassed some of us can get when we’re exposed to other people’s lovemaking… but rather than feeling weird about it, I actually like hearing others in the throes of ecstasy. There’s something free and liberated about it, especially when we’re forced to live such regimented and repressed lives, with bodily functions kept hidden behind firmly closed doors, replaced by social niceties and polite conversation about the weather.

Sometimes I think it would do us all the world of good to shrug off our social restraints and run naked down the street once in a while. We shouldn’t feel shy about connecting with our primal selves, relishing our physicality and celebrating our bodies in all their rude and messy glory! So whenever I hear anyone enjoying noisy, enthusiastic sex, I will them on to greater heights, and higher volumes! (all the while hoping my wine glasses stay in one piece as they rattle away on the draining board).

There are one or two very good reasons why vocalising during sex is good for you. Like chanting ‘Om’ or practising a primal scream (more on that later), any exercise that creates a sound vibration in the throat can open up this area and regulate the throat chakra, our energy centre that relates to communication and creative expression.

Energy movement and sex are actually intimately connected – as you’ll know if you’ve ever been with someone who’s naturally vocal in bed. You’ll probably have noticed that the noises they made rose in pitch and volume as they approached orgasm. This is a sign that sexual energy is moving up from the lower chakras to the higher, more ecstatic ones. It’s even possible to manipulate and help this energy on its way by allowing the tone of your noises to rise during sex to help with the flow of energy.

Why is it so vital to keep your throat chakra open, and energy moving smoothly through it? Well, if a throat chakra is blocked or unhealthy, it can be hard to speak your truth, resulting in miscommunication and arguments. Physical imbalances created can include sore throats, gum and mouth issues, laryngitis, thyroid issues and teeth grinding at night. Incidentally, if you’re prone to teeth grinding, try rolling up a towel, then bite down on it and growl like a dog for up to a minute each night before bed. It might make you look a little demented (and it’s probably best to avoid performing in public, in case of arrest), but you’ll find that this can dramatically help to release tension, clear the chakra, and help you stop grinding.

Emotionally we can also become judgmental and critical when we’re not balanced in the throat chakra – which often relates to an inability to speak lovingly from the heart. Sometimes we can actually sense when the throat chakra is unbalanced, and if you’ve ever felt like your throat’s tight or constricted when you’re trying to communicate something important, it’s an indication of a blockage. Try this trick to help clear it. Get into the ocean, take a deep breath stick your head underwater and scream. This is called a primal scream, and is another great way to release ‘stuck’ emotions, pent-up frustration or anger and clear the blockage. You can also try this at home (preferably into a pillow, or underwater in the bath if you’re worried about the neighbours!).

To keep this area open and healthy on a sexual level, practice communicating during sex. All too often we’re too embarrassed or repressed to ask for what we really want. Expressing your desires can be empowering and lead to a sex life where fantasy can become reality. Also try giving yourself permission to moan and make noises and see how verbalising can enhance your experience.

Why not experiment with getting vocal in the bedroom (or bathroom, kitchen etc) and start enjoying some aural pleasure of a whole new kind.

In love and light,

Taranga

In last week’s blog, I touched on the benefits of something that might, to the uninitiated, sound a bit like cooking yourself a beautiful dinner before dumping it uneaten in the bin – non-orgasmic sex!

If you’ve never heard about or properly considered it, you may find the idea bizarre. After all, isn’t the whole point of sex to reach orgasm? Well actually, non-orgasmic sex practices have been around for thousands of years, and used by people who discovered its amazing ability to heal the body, restore vitality and promote better health, harmony and spiritual awareness. And following on from last week’s blog, it’s also the case that withholding orgasm can actually ‘cheat’ our neurochemical conditioning, bonding us with our partners like never before and helping us to keep our relationships alive and thriving.

So how does this little-discussed practice actually work? Essentially, non-orgasmic sex shifts the focus of sex away from the genital region, stimulating our sexual energy without actually discharging it. Sexual energy can be produced and then channeled into our chakra and meridian systems to help keep us energised, vital and healthy.

The practise has also been used as a form of ‘soul development’ that takes sex beyond fleeting physical gratification to greater union and closeness. Using controlled movements and caresses that don’t lead to orgasm, the technique generates a steady stream of sexual energy that is converted into feelings of sublime joy and love.

So here it is… your guide to some of the principles involved in non orgasmic sex:

1. Connecting

Conscious connection is about staying present, tuning in to how your body feels, how your breathing flows, how your partner looks, feels or tastes and each and every passing moment. Feel your pleasure fully, take your time, and connect to your partner through prolonged eye contact, foreplay and caressing to help build up a sexual charge.

2. Breathing

Conscious breathing patterns help to connect us, both with ourselves and our partners – but breathing also enables us to collect up and move the ‘charge’ that builds up in our genitals during arousal, instead of leaving energy stuck there, where it can build up to the point of ejaculation. Circulating energy in this way can lead to some of the most profound, blissful states ever experienced, all without actually ‘coming’.

To do it, simply breathe in a continuous flow, with no pause between inhale and exhale. Breathe in and out through the mouth with lips slightly parted, allowing the belly to rise on each exhalation as you bring the breath all the way down into the diaphragm. Then just allow the breath to just fall out of the body on the exhale, as you make an ‘aaahhh’ sound. Most importantly, focus on making your breath a complete, unbroken circle.

3. Edging

‘Edging’ involves bringing yourself close to, but not over the point of no return. Contract your pelvic floor while you stop stimulating yourself for up to 20 seconds to allow the urge to come to subside. Guys, try pulling gently on your balls or squeeze around the base of the head of the penis to help delay ejaculation. Remember to breathe deeply into the belly to help energy move upwards.

Over time you’ll find your arousal levels rise to higher and higher peaks of pleasure, which you’ll start to feel through your whole body instead of just in the genitals. After you’ve peaked several times without ejaculating, stop here and notice how you feel. You might feel heat, or a tingling, buzzing sensation, you might feel highly energised or just very peaceful.

Many other cultures are wise to this type of sex, building energy slowly, taking their time, and enjoying longer-lasting, more fulfilling orgasms, instead of the ‘itch-scratching’ sex we’re perhaps more accustomed to in the West.

As you experiment with these tools, reserving your orgasm for ‘special occasions’ or foregoing it altogether, you’ll find that your sexual energy begins to seep into every cell in your body, and you start to glow with good health.

Remember that we’re most alive when we’re circulating energy – both within ourselves, and within our relationships. This technique allows you to do both at once, channeling sexual energy where it’s needed most, to help you feel alive and connected like never before.

In love and light,

Taranga

Bodies are an endless source of fascination for me – and in my line of work, that’s probably just as well! Each time someone enters my world and hops onto my massage table, I can barely wait to reveal them in all their naked glory. And whether they’re great or small, muscular or slight, curvaceous or twiggy, each and every person’s ‘vehicle for the soul’ has its own unique tale to tell.

It’s sometimes said that our bodies are a reflection of the lives we’ve led, that our physical selves are just as sculpted and formed by our experiences as our interior selves. From the shape of our feet to the bumps on our skull, there’s a whole school of theory that analyses our individual body parts and interprets their characteristics. It’s thought, for example, that the bigger and more pronounced the belly button, the more outgoing and ‘larger than life’ the personality. Overly rounded shoulders can mean a person is protecting their heart space and feeling anxious or fearful. And toes that curl under can indicate a person who’s stubborn and will always do things ‘their way’, even to their own detriment.

Even the facial features can often give away a lot about a person’s character. Interpretation of character from the study of a person’s face is called physiognomy, and this practice has been around for a very long time, being used as far back as 400BC by famous philosophers like Socrates. There’s a goldmine of interesting theories to be found in physiognomy. One example relates to the groove that connects the nose with the mouth (called the philtrum), which it’s said can indicate a person’s fertility levels. A long, broad and deep philtrum is a sign of good fertility, while a shallower, less pronounced one can suggest lower fertility levels. Meanwhile, deep set eyes imply a more introverted personality, a large nose can be a sign of a powerful person, and a deeply furrowed brow means a person might have a lot of pent-up anger or frustration.

Of course, these techniques are open to interpretation, and there’s no definitive ‘right’ or wrong’ to any of it – but there’s no denying that body reading is a fun and useful tool to play with. And one thing is for sure: our bodies are certainly affected and shaped by our interior lives, and vice versa.

Why not try this quick exercise to see how interconnected our bodies really are with our emotions:

Walk with your shoulders slumped, and your body bent forward. Drag your feet, look down, and don’t engage anyone. Walk slowly. Make your breathing shallow and weak. Now, without changing anything – try and feel happy. Notice how difficult that is. In fact it’s not fully possible.

Next, walk with your head raised, your chin up. Straighten your back, and keep your shoulders back. Breathe deeply. Walk firmly and plant your feet. Engage in eye contact with others if you wish. Now, without changing any of that, try and feel depressed. Once again, notice how difficult that is.

Having experienced the mind-body connection, imagine how you can influence your moods and change your outlook just by making a few changes to the way you carry your body. And over time, you can even start to observe the physical effects on your body, as your mind and emotions begin to shift.

Of course, regular sessions of bodywork with someone like myself can also work wonders in positively influencing both mind and body!

In love and light,

Taranga

Having lunch in my local cafe the other day, I overheard a slightly frazzled and grumpy-looking woman complaining to her friend about how infuriating her partner is. “Every time I ask him not to stack to wine glasses upside-down on the cupboard shelf, and he STILL does it”, she exclaimed indignantly.
 
It set me thinking about how much of our lives are consumed by trivialities, and how we often let the ‘little things’ escalate into big deals, for no good reason. ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff’, goes the saying, and it’s something we could all do with remembering from time to time!
 
Often, there’s no such thing as the ‘right way’ to do something – there’s only your interpretation of it. We’re all probably just as annoying as everyone else, and the more intolerable you are of someone else’s habits, the more intolerable you probably are to them! What’s key here is acceptance, and it’s a habit worth practicing. So here are a few simple methods to play with:
 
Watch your thoughts: Sometimes we slip into judgement without even realising we’re doing it. So pay closer attention to your thoughts, and try to direct them to a less judgemental, more accepting place whenever you realise you’re judging someone’s behaviour, getting irritated or annoyed, or feeling like your expectations are not being met.
 
Avoid ‘right’ and ‘wrong’: The world is not always black and white. It’s often many shades of grey. The more we label things as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ the more we suffer.  Find a new perspective and try to see the situation from a different angle.
 
Stop judging yourself: Often, over-judgement of others comes from an inability to accept yourself. When we put pressure on ourselves to be perfect, we often pass that on to others and have unrealistic expectations of them. Accept yourself warts and all, and look for the beauty in imperfection!
 
Put yourself in their shoes: When you’re feeling frustrated by someone’s behaviour, ask yourself how you’d feel if the situation was reversed. The woman in the cafe could have considered how her partner may have viewed her way as the ‘wrong’ way – but instead just chose to overlook it.
 
Communicate: Good communication goes a long way to defusing tension – but staying silent only leads to passive aggression or overreaction. Perhaps if the woman chose to talk sensibly to her partner, they could have agreed to both stack their glasses the ‘wrong’ way now and again to show flexibility and compromise, leaving more space to focus on the important stuff in their relationship!
 
We all have the power to choose either judgement or acceptance. Acceptance means allowing feelings to be there as they are, then letting them go without resistance, judgement, or making them bigger than they need to be. Whenever you’re challenged in this area, travel the path of acceptance and start enjoying greater peace and joy in your life.
 
In love and light, Taranga